why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
