Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
