There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
