went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
