so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
