She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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