he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
