I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
