He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
