When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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