I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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