The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
