Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
