i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
