When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
