There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
