I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
