So drunk its hurt
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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