The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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