I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
