chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
