I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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