I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Drunk is a universal language darling
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