shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
