Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
