i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
