He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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