btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
