Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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