my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he thought i was a dude.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
