i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
