Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
