i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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