Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
