i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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