OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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