There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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