3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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