OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
