So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
