I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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