so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
