I got chris browned last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
