recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
