Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
