it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
