Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
