why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
