My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
