the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
