is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Your cock deserves a montage
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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