i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
